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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785670">Don't Wake Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waywardsistershy/pseuds/Waywardsistershy'>Waywardsistershy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Gore, Depression, Drinking, F/M, Gen, Language, Multi, Other, major death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:22:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waywardsistershy/pseuds/Waywardsistershy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is having a hard time dealing with the Readers death. He can’t even sleep because when he does, he sees her dead in their motel room.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester &amp; Reader, Dean Winchester &amp; You, Dean Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Deans POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean is having a hard time dealing with the Readers death. He can’t even sleep because when he does, he sees her dead in their motel room.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The color of her eyes. The way she looked at me with those beautiful Y/E/C. The love that shined in them. It was like she could see right to your soul. The fire in them when she was pissed off, could have started a million wildfires. That sparkle that flickered when she was excited about something. </p><p>The smile she would give me in the morning. The way it would pierce my heart and make my knees weak. The way she would bite her lip before hers would touch mine. The softness of her lips, I can still feel them. The way her whole body would relax when she kissed me. The way her lips would slowly curl into a that smile when she wanted something or had something planned. </p><p>The softness of her hands when they touched anywhere on my body. Her hands were gentle but firm when she would patch up a wound. When she was pissed, those hands were like stone grips. Nothing could get out of them. Which made making love to her so great. She would hold me to her warm body and dig her nails into me. I still have some very visible scratches on my back. </p><p>The way her hair fell about her face. It was perfect. It was beautiful. It was soft. It was smooth. It never stayed in place and that always bothered her but I just loved it. It framed her face so well, that sometimes, I thought that maybe she was just a dream to the hell I live on, on Earth. I can still smell the tea tree and lavender shampoo and conditioner she always used.</p><p>The way her body swayed when she walked. It wasn't like a hooker walking and purposefully swaying their bodies to lure men into their beds. This was a natural sway. The one thing that caught my eye in the bar all those years ago. The way she would turn on her heel and use her hips to guide her when someone called after her for whatever reason. For me, it would just to see that turn. To see how her natural curves to her body moved. She knew I loved it. </p><p>She was an angel. She was a badass hunter. She sometimes scared me when she wielded a weapon. She even knew it too. She knew how to keep me in check.</p><p>That's how I want to remember her. But I can't.</p><p>All I can see, now, is the last memory I will ever have of her. </p><p>***</p><p>Sammy and I, we were too late. We busted that door down only too see her body thrown over a motel chair. The blood from various wounds still spilling everywhere onto the motel carpet. The room had been destroyed in the attempt of her trying to get out and defending herself. I ran to her side and pulled her into my arms. Her head bobbed around and I knew that she was long gone. I steadied her head and as her Y/H/C fell out of her face, I saw the lifelessness in her eyes. There wasn't a shine or sparkle or glimmer. Her lips weren't that natural pink color I loved, they were turning a blueish purple due to the lack of blood flow. Her hands were no longer warm and smooth, they were turning cold and rough. Her body was covered in stab wounds but the thing that killed her, was the already formed bruise on her broken neck.</p><p>It was like loosing Charlie all over again. But she didn't run from anyone. She wasn't hiding from anyone. She just wanted to relax a bit while Sam and I went to check out a quick tip we received on our case. Then that call came. Her voice wasn't the smooth and gentle voice I loved so much. It was scared and nervous. She was certain she could get out of the motel but in the end, she couldn't. </p><p>We ended up finding the asshole that killed her. Sam thought I should show at least some kind of mercy. But this low life demon, he killed her. He had shown no mercy to her at all. He laughed at her murder in front of the both of us. He laughed as he talked about that way she screamed when he stabbed her. He laughed when he said she choked on her blood because she couldn't breath. He laughed when he said that he snapped her neck as she said her last word. </p><p>My name. </p><p>I showed no mercy in killing him. </p><p>Later that night, we burned her body. That alone just tore me apart.</p><p>When we got back to the bunker, Sam had suggested we burn her stuff, but I just can't do that yet. I'm still processing the last forty-eight hours. I needed to be alone. I needed to let my emotions go. I needed scream. I needed to yell. I needed to shoot something. I just wanted to forget that she was gone. But she is gone. She wasn't going to come back. </p><p>***</p><p>I wake up in a sweat and gasping for airing. I sit up and rub my face. It's also full of sweat. I hang my head back and take a deep breath. I can't close my eyes again, I think. I just can't. I look at the time on my phone and see that it's almost one in the morning. I'd only been sleeping for an hour. A bit longer than last night. </p><p>I roll out of bed, taking my drinking glass with me. I walk out of my room and make my way to the library. I can hear Sam's snores all the way from his room. At least one of us is getting some sleep. I grab the bottle of whiskey and pour it into the drinking glass. I pull open the laptop and hack into some police sites to look for cases. </p><p>For the next few hours, I alternate between coffee and whiskey. I didn't want to go back to sleep. I just can't. Every time that I do, I see her. The motel. The blood. Her lifeless body. I see it every night the moment I close my eyes. It hurt too much. </p><p>Just as I'm about to pour myself another glass of whiskey, I feel my eyes get heavy. Don't you dare, Dean, I think to myself. But my brain and eyes don't listen. The last thing I feel is my face smacking the wooden table.</p><p>***</p><p>She's dead. </p><p>She's gone.</p><p>That's all that goes through my head as I speed walk through the hotel halls looking for the room where the monster that killed her. I ignored my brothers calls for me to slow down. I couldn't. I wanted revenge. No. I needed revenge. I needed to stick this blade in all the same places he stuck his on her body.  </p><p>"Dean!" Sams hand was suddenly stopping me. "You're not thinking straight. You can't just storm in there and wielding your angel blade."</p><p>What the fuck was my brother saying? "What?" I raised my eyebrows. "Did you see what I saw in our motel room. YN! YN, butchered and killed." I pulled my hand back "So yes, I am going to storm in there and kill that son of bitch that killed my girl." </p><p>I turned down the hall and see the room. I ran down the hallway and turned to grab the key card from Sam. Once the door was unlocked I opened it and before me was the nightmare from hell. I walked over to the dead body on the ground. Theres a lump in my throat as I turned the body over. </p><p>Her face is stared right into mine and the words "Dean, why didn't you save me?" Roll off her lips.</p><p>***</p><p>"Dean!" Sams voice shaking me awake. "Wake up man!"</p><p>I snap up in my seat. I see my drinking glass on the floor. Shattered. I see the whiskey bottle on the other side of the room. Shattered as well. I turn to see my baby brothers worried face staring into mine. "I'll clean that up," I get up and rub my face. </p><p>"Still not sleeping well or at all?" Sam takes hold of my arm and I pull it back. That's more than enough of an answer for him. "Dean, you've barely slept ten hours this last month. Look I understand loosing YN was hard and you're still dealing but, she wouldn't want you-" </p><p>I spin around and grab Sam by the collar. "You don't know what the fuck YN would want right now. So don't go talking on her behalf because she's dead! Okay?!" I look down at my hands and see that my knuckles are white as paper. I look back up at Sam and see the worry and uneasiness and slight fear that I might throttle him on his face. I let go of his collar, "I'm sorry," I say gently. "I'm just so tired but I can't sleep, man. I see her body every time I close my eyes. She asks me why I couldn't save her. Nothing is helping."</p><p>Sam takes a deep breath and adjusts his shirt. "Maybe we can start with burning a few of her things, that might help make you feel at peace."</p><p>I turn around and rest my hands on the table. "You're probably right, Sammy. I'll go get a box. But only a few things." </p><p>"A few things is just a start," Sam says after me as I walk away to her room.</p><p>I stand in her room holding a small box. I can't do this, I think, I can't. This was her life. This was what I have left of her. I pick up a shirt that was thrown on the floor. Its one of her many novelty shirts. This one had said Avogato with a picture of a avocado cat. I smile remember seeing this shirt for the first time. I loved it but Cas, well he was confused as hell and wondered how an avocado and cat were able to reproduce. I feel a stray tear escape my. I wipe it away and place the shirt into the box along with a few pairs of shoes, some books, her family heirlooms that she had always carried with her before settling in with Sam and I years ago, and a the mix tape that I made her for her birthday one year.</p><p>This is a good start.</p><p>***</p><p>Over the next few days I still can't sleep or well or at all. I keep waking up from the nightmare of her dead and hauntingly asking me why I couldn't save her. I play it over and over in my head. I know I was too late to getting there. I know that it wasn't my fault that she died. But the way that she asked me in my dreams made me think the cruel what if questions. </p><p>What if I had sped just a bit more?</p><p>What if Sam and I just bailed on the tip until morning?</p><p>What if I just sent Sam? </p><p>What if I made sure the motel was secure and protected?</p><p>What if this?</p><p>What if that?</p><p>What if...?</p><p>What if...?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sams POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam enlists the help of Rowena to help get Dean to sleep through the night without having a single nightmare of the Readers death.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I get it. </p><p>I know how he feels.</p><p>Losing someone you love that kept you grounded cuts you deep.</p><p>Deeper than any knife on the planet. </p><p>I'm trying to be there for Dean. Like he was when I lost Jessica to Yellow Eyes all those years ago. Man, that seems like forever ago. The memory of her loss still aches me but, I think about the happy memories I had with her. Dean was there for me when I had to kill Madison. Her death still hurts me from time to time. </p><p>But Dean doesn't want me around most of the time. He doesn't want the help. He stays up for days drinking coffee and or whiskey to keep him awake and to keep him numb. I let it slide for a week and then another. But after the second week, I started to get worried. I tried dosing him up with sleeping pills and sleeping herbs but nothing worked. He would wake up screaming and in pain all over again. Or he would throw things in his sleep as if he's trying to defend himself or attack someone in his dream.</p><p>All I know, it's getting worse. </p><p>This cycle he's one, it will kill him soon. I can see it in they way he tries to hold himself up. I can see it when he tries to throw on one of his fakes smiles. I can see it in his eyes. I can hear it in his voice when he doesn't make sense of things. His actions, they don't see reason anymore. </p><p>Just like when he had me up on a wall the other day. All he heard was YNs name and it set him off. That was the tip of the iceberg. I knew I needed help. </p><p>***</p><p>"Sam?" Jody's voice calls my name over the other end. "How are you holding up?" </p><p>I sit in the impala with my phone pressed to my ear. I am staring a rose bush in the yard of the house in front of me. Jessica wanted rose bushes, I think. "I'm okay. I'm just worried about Dean that's all. I'm trying all my options here." I had to lie to Dean to get me to use the impala by myself. He thinks I'm on a simple salt and burn case in the next town over. I mean, I am in the next town over, but it isn't for a simple salt and burn. </p><p>I'm waiting for someone.</p><p>"Well, just know that if you need someone to knock him out good, Claire has been itching to hit something." Jody chuckles and so do I. "It was good talking to you Sam, you go take care of your brother now." We say out goodbyes and hang up. </p><p>I take a deep breath and look around. Where was Rowena? I wonder. I look at the time on the phone and she's late. Like always. If she isn't here, then our agreement would be out of the window. I settle back and close my eyes. I'll give Rowena a bit longer. </p><p>***</p><p>My mind goes back to a month ago. Dean and I got a tip for our case and we went to check it out. Nothing harmless. YN wanted to stay behind and neither Dean or I were against it. We drove the twenty minutes out to the storage unit only to get a call from YN saying someone was trying really hard to get in but she said she would be able to slip out. Even I heard the glass breaking over the phone before the call dropped.</p><p>Watching my brother speed like a no other was terrifying.</p><p>Breaking down that door just to see YNs body practically in her own blood, was devastating. But watching my brother breakdown and plead for YN to come knowing that she was long gone, that was heart wrenching. I've seen my brother get worked up and emotional over the deaths of friends and family, but this, this was different. Dean held onto YN and cried for what seemed like hours. When Dean set YN down, he kissed her head and started to wrap her up in the motel sheet. Then he looked at me and I could see the look of revenge and blood lust in his eyes.</p><p>It didn't take long to find the demon that killed her. </p><p>Watching my brother cut into and torture that demon was almost sickening. He became a whole new person. Then the demon spoke about killing YN and Dean had enough of it and stabbed him and watched as the light faded from the demon. </p><p>When we burned YNs body, thats when I saw Dean grow distant. He just stared at the flames and let a few tears fall. His whole life was up on that hunters mound. The only woman who could keep him in check and grounded was gone. There wouldn't be anyone on this Earth to tell him to suck a dick and deal with whatever the situation was. YN YLN was dead and a piece of my brother died with her.</p><p>***</p><p>The tapping on my window, woke me up. I sit up to see Rowena peering into the window. I unlock the passenger door and she gets in. Her blazing red hair flowing around her face and shoulders. She shrugs off her black coat and tosses it into the back revealing a thick book underneath.</p><p>"Hello, Samuel," she says in her thick accent. Only she was allowed to call me Samuel. "I'm sorry if I messed up that wee little nap of yours." </p><p>I run my fingers through my hair. "No, it's okay," I start the car and begin to pull out of my parking spot. "Let's get this thing done."</p><p>"Aren't you forgetting something?" Rowena looks around at the impala moving. "We had a deal, Samuel."</p><p>"I know," I give her a quick glance. "If you show me that this will work, I'll give you that page from our spell book." I swear I see her eyes flash purple but, I don't worry about it. </p><p>She huffs and crosses her arms. "I suspect that you have everything I need in that club house of yours?"</p><p>"If we don't, then I will go out personally and get them for you." This feels like a bad idea. Giving Rowena yet another page out of that damned book. Dean will pissed if this goes sideways. But I have to try. </p><p>The drive back to the bunker is all but quite because Rowena flips through her spell book a little too loudly. She mutters to herself in a foreign language I don't understand and pray that she isn't trying any of those spells out on me. </p><p>"If I wanted to kill you, Sam, I would have. From a far, far off distance," Rowena reached over and pats my leg making me tense up. "Then I would have stolen that spell and been on my merry way."</p><p>***</p><p>Rowena and I waltz into the bunker to see Dean about to sit down and eat one of his famous sandwiches. "The stove is still warm, I can make you..." Deans voice trails off as he looks up and see the red headed witch walk down the stairs. "Why is she here?" He asks. I can hear the distain in his voice. I can see the immature anger flash in his eyes. I can even see the small flares that his nostrils make. </p><p>"She's here to help," I say setting my bag down on the table. </p><p>"You're simple case?"</p><p>"You, dear," Rowena sets her belongings down. "Samuel, here, tells me that you are having trouble sleeping since loosing your lover. From what he tells me it was absolutely awful. "</p><p>Dean shrugs his shoulders around and shifts on his feet. He sets his food down and stares at the table. Who knows what's going on in his mind of his. "Awful doesn't begin to describe it." Dean licks his lips and I watch him fight back the tears that threaten to escape his eyes. He balls his hands into fists before walking out of the room. </p><p>"Stay here," I instruct the witch as I go after my brother. </p><p>"I have no where else to go," Rowena says after me but I choose to ignore it.</p><p>I step into the kitchen to see Dean pouring himself a shot of whiskey. "Dean," I watch as he shots back the whiskey. "Before you tear my head off, hear me out." </p><p>"I don't need help, Sam," his tone is cold. "I was about to eat and pop some melatonin and sleep like a baby." The sarcasm roll off his tongue and I look away as he pours another shot. </p><p>"This isn't funny, Dean," I raise my voice. "You look like death. You have the darkest circles under your eyes and the bags under them look like they need plastic surgery.  This grieving you're doing, it will kill you. So you will shut the fuck up and let us help you." </p><p>Before I can go on and before Dean can protest, Rowena waltzes into the kitchen. She reaches up and begins to touch Deans face and neck. She even leans her ear on his chest and listens to his beating heart. Dean opens his mouth to say something but Rowena shushes him. </p><p>"I feel it now," she pulls away. Her face looking grave. "You're body is slowly fading, Dean Winchester." She looks at him with the same grave face. "There is already too much damage. If we don't get your body well rested, it will only be a matter of time before you die yourself too." Dean just stares at her. His face expressionless. "I don't think YN would like that you drank yourself to death."</p><p>Dean looks down. "No, she'd probably come back from the dead just to bring me back and kill me herself."  I see a half smile as he knows that YN will straight up kick his ass for being this stupid.</p><p>"I'll make that tea," Rowena pats Deans hands and walks out of the room. </p><p>***</p><p>Thankfully I didn't have to go out for missing ingredients. We had everything right here. Who knows what would have happened with Dean and Rowena. The thought and image always ends with Rowena dead and Dean gone.</p><p>"Here we are," Rowena walks into Deans room with a small glass of the tea she made. "It's super strong. And wait," She stops Deans hands as he is about to drink. "For this to work properly, you must think happy thoughts of that sweet bonnie lass."</p><p>"Alright," Dean sits on the bed. Closes his eyes and smile a smile I haven't seen in a real long time. "Here goes nothing." He shots back the tea and in an instant, he falls flat on his back. Snoring. </p><p>"How long will he be out?" I ask Rowena as she picks ups the cup as it slips from Deans hand and onto the floor.</p><p>"Oh, as long as it takes for his body to rest," Rowena gives a small little smile.</p><p>"And for his body to be healed from whatever damage is in there, too, right?"</p><p>Rowena laughs. "Oh that. I fibbed just to get him to drink the tea. It was better than having to hear you boys at each other until you found a way to knock him out and force it down his throat." </p><p>"Huh," I follow Rowena out and close the door behind me. "Smart. Deceptive. Quick."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Dean's POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean has a peaceful dream about the Reader who knows that she’s dead in the real world. Rowena gives Dean the recipe/spell for the tea with a warning.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What are you still doing sleeping? Come help me make breakfast." </p><p>It isn't the blanket being pulled off me that wakes me up.</p><p>It's the voice.</p><p>That perfect and beautiful yet, dominate voice.</p><p>My eyes snap open and there, standing at the foot of the bed with the blanket in her hand is YN. Alive. Smiling. She has that look in her eyes where if I don't get onto what she needs to, she will eat me alive. In a very not so sexy way. I can't help but stare at her and take her in.</p><p>She's wearing one of my flannels over one of her novelty shirts. I notice she isn't wearing any shorts or pants either. I look back at her face, her beautiful face. The way her lips are curved into that mischievous smile when she messed with someone. The little scrunch of her nose when something tickles it. Her big, beautiful  Y/E/C eyes as they stare into mine. Waiting for me to answer her. Her hair is thrown up into the bun being held together by her only hair band. Strands of hair fall perfectly around her face. </p><p>I wish I could wake up to this sight still. But this, her standing here, in this dream will have to do. It's better than nothing.</p><p>"Earth to Winchester," Her voice calls out to me again. "What are you staring at?"</p><p>"You," I say sitting up in bed. I notice I don't have a shirt on. I also notice the small little bite YN does to her lip. "You're so fucking beautiful, you know that?"</p><p>She looks down and I see her cheeks get pink. After years of her and I being together she always blushed when I told her she was beautiful. YN didn't have it easy growing up. Her mother left her and her father when she was four. Her father degraded her until she ran away from home. She had been on her own for some years until Sam and I saved her from a demon possession. She stuck with us since then. It wasn't until a case that we learned that she was never told she was beautiful or looked good. I made it my goal every, until the day she died, to tell her that she was beautiful. </p><p>"You can say it once more," YN drops the blanket and climbs on the bed and straddle my lap. She takes my face in my hands and I can't help but wish this were real. I close my eyes and focus on her touch. "So, are you going to help me with breakfast? And by that, I mean you cooking the bacon how I like it." </p><p>I open my eyes to see the those Y/E/C staring into mine. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me, pressing my lips to hers. Her lips are as soft as I remember.  "Of course," I say pulling back. </p><p>"Awesome," YN jumps off the bed and walks out of the room. I watch her and catch a glimpse of her flower tattoo that sits on the back part of her thigh. Then I notice that we aren't in the bunker. We are at one of Bobby's old hunting cabins. The one YN and I always escape to when we need to unwind after a hard case. </p><p>I get up and get dressed. I walk out to the main part of the cabin and see YN working at the old stove. She's got the eggs going and she's cut up some strawberries. I stand there and watch her move around the kitchen. </p><p>This is the first time I don't feel like my chest has a gaping hole in it. </p><p>This is the first time I can breath and not feel like I'm going to fall apart. </p><p>This is the first time I feel normal.</p><p>YN turns around to see me standing and staring at her. "What is with you this morning?" She smiles and gives a light chuckle. "Was the sex that good?" She laughs out loud. "Of course it was, I did that thing that you absolutely love." She pulls the bacon out of the old fridge that I continue to fix up and keep running. She sets it on the counter and goes back to her cooking.</p><p>"I guess your reward for doing such thing is making the bacon you like," I pick up the bacon and bring it over to the stove. I have an idea of what move she's talking about. </p><p>We eat breakfast in peace and decide to take a walk around the woods. This is something that YN always loved to do whenever we came out here. Watching her take in the nature around her pulls at my heart. I'm going to miss her terribly again when I wake up. </p><p>YN turns around and the look on her face tells me that she knows somethings up. She walks over to me and takes my hands and looks into my eyes. "I was wondering when that would catch up with us."</p><p>"What?" I ask hoping she didn't know that this was a dream. </p><p>She laughs. "Dean Winchester, don't play me." She raises a hand to my face. "I know this is a dream. I know I'm dead out there. And it's not your fault. So if you remotely think it is, you know I'll figure it out and come back and kick the shit out of your ass." </p><p>I smile and let go of the breath I am holding in. "I don't want to wake up," I whisper. I touch her face. She leans into it and sighs. </p><p>"I know, but I will always be right here," YN touches my chest and my head. "When you sleep next, I'll be waiting." </p><p>The dream fades to black and soon I find myself waking up. I'm in my room on my bed. I grab my phone and realize it's the next day. My body feels well rested. But I can't help but feel the aching in my chest still. Its different like part of the hole is closing off. I drop my head on my pillow and just replay the dream in my head. </p><p>YN had been so beautiful and I miss her already. </p><p>There a slight knock at the door and it opens. Sam steps in and sees that I'm awake. "Hey," He says with a smile on his face. "I was just checking on you. How did you sleep?"</p><p>"To be honest, great," I say sitting up and swinging my legs to the side of the bed. "I feel really well rested." We sit in silence for a while. I know what Sam must be thinking. He doesn't have to say it. It's written all over his face. "She was there, Sam. She was fucking gorgeous man. I felt like she never left."</p><p>Sam looks up. "I'm happy man, I really am. Does that mean you've let her go?"</p><p>I look down at the ground. "No Sam, it means that I can slowly process and accept her death. Then when the time comes, I'll let her go. So no burning things unless I give the okay."</p><p>I get up and walk out of the room. I make my way to the kitchen cause I'm starving like a motherfucker. I open the fridge and stare at the contents. Eggs. Bacon. Sams rabbit food. I reach in and pull out the bacon. I set it on the counter and grab a pan and set it on the stove . Turning around, I nearly have a heart attack seeing the familiar red headed witch sipping on coffee.</p><p>"Fuck," I hold one hand to my chest and the other on the edge of the counter. "Rowena, how long have you been sitting there?"</p><p>"No very long dear," she sets her mug down and folds her hands. "You look very well rested. But not your soul. Don't worry," she sees the shock on my face. "The death of a loved one takes time to get over. I will leave the recipe for the tea to help you sleep whenever you need it. But don't drink too much of it in one day. Too much will start to slow your body down and kill you."</p><p>Rowena stands up and walks over to me. She slips a paper into my hands and pats my hand. "Um, thank you," I say. I'm not sure what to do with this, I think. I put the paper in my pocket and get back to making my food.</p><p>After Rowena leaves in the early evening, Sam goes out for a supply run. </p><p>"Do you want to tag along?" He asks before walking out of the bunker.</p><p>"Nah," I say opening up my laptop. "I think I'm going to scroll through and find us a case." Total lie of course.</p><p>"Okay," Sam walks out. I wait until he and the impala are gone for awhile before heading to the infirmary and grabbing what I need for the tea. A lot of it called for healing and sleeping herbs and then a few things from the kitchen spice cabinet that YN always used when she was alive. That's one of many, many things I am going to miss. </p><p>YN was the best cook ever. Aside from the bacon she could never get it right. She knew how to season and grill meat to perfection. Even her crock pot meals were the bomb. She always saved them in a small book so she could use them later. I open the drawer that the book sits in and pull it out. </p><p>I open the book to where paper is sticking out and see the words Deans B-day Dinner and Pie. I cover my mouth and feel some tears form in the corner of my eyes. I've been so caught up in loosing YN that I realized my birthday came and went without me knowing. I close the book and set it back in the drawer. I take a deep breath and move onto my room with the cup in hand.</p><p>I sit on my bed and stare at the cup on the nightstand next to me. I really don't need it, but I really want to see YN. Being in that dream world made everything seem so normal. It also helped me get through the day and I didn't once pour myself a drink. But Rowena's warning rings through my ears. </p><p>If I drink too much, I could die. </p><p>I pull out my pocket knife and press the blade to the palm of my hand when I feel a slight cool breeze on my arm. I stop and look around and spot that my AC vent was open and thought that the AC kicked on. I shake my head and cut a small but deep enough cut to drop a few drops of blood into the cup. I bring my hand over to the cup to find that it isn't there. I turn around and spot it on the dresser by the door.</p><p>"How did you get over there?"  I say out loud. "Maybe I'm loosing my mind." I pick the cup up and sit back on the bed and squeeze my hand so a few drops fell into the cup. I swirl the liquid around and say the small latin incantation. Then I take a huge drink. </p><p>Before passing out, I swear I see a flicker of YN standing in my room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sam's POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam learns that Rowena gave Dean the special tea to help him sleep and starts to see him slip deeper into his depressive state. Sam also makes contact with Ghost!Reader who can’t break through the veil all the way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, Dean, I'm back," I open the bunker door and make my way down the stairs. "Dean?" I set the bags down and look around. Where the hell was he? I check the kitchen because that's where Dean would normally be. But he isn't there. I check the little man cave he made and again, he isn't there. I check the bunker garage to see if maybe he went out and used a different car. </p><p>Nope. </p><p>Finally, I go to his room and see him laying down, sleeping. I'm about to leave when I see the cup on the ground next to his bed. I pick up the cup and sniff it. "Shit," I roll back and sit down on the floor and stare at my brother. </p><p>The lights flicker some and stop. </p><p>I get up and pull out my phone and dial Rowena's number.</p><p>"Hello, dear," her sing song voice rings in my ear. </p><p>"You gave Dean the recipe to make the damn tea," I make my way to the kitchen and place the the cup into the sink. "Why the hell would you do that?"</p><p>Rowena sighs into the phone. "To help him dear, he's been through so much. I figured it would help the poor lad."</p><p>I rub my face with my free hand. "Well he's back under again. What should I look out for?" </p><p>"Again? So soon?" Rowena's voice is surprised. "When I gave him the recipe and spell, I warned him that too much will start to kill him. I figured he told you."</p><p>"Well he didn't, Rowena," My hand slams onto the counter and I notice the lights flicker again. "You should have told me before you left."</p><p>"I'm sorry, Samuel," Rowena sounds like she regrets. </p><p>"It's okay, I'll keep you updated on him." I hang up the phone. </p><p>I walk around the bunker seeing more lights just flicker. Something didn't sit well in the pit of my stomach. Only one ghost haunted this bunker and he is long gone. "These lights just don't flicker on their own," I say out loud walking in YNs room. Nothing. Maybe I'm seeing things. As I'm walking out I notice the paper that had some of Rowena's handwriting on it.</p><p>Picking it up I say, "Does Dean know?" The light by YNs bed flickers on. "I'll that as a no." A cool breeze brushes passed me and the flickering lights lead me down the hall. </p><p>To room 7B.</p><p>I open the door and the cool breeze pushes by me. "What's in here?" The lights flicker like crazy. "Okay okay, hold your horses," Then it hits me. I go to the shelf and start pulling boxes down and searching for that Ouija board I bought all those years ago. </p><p>Dean gave me shit for keeping it but, you never know when you need to use one. </p><p>Like now.</p><p>I make my way back to YNs room. I set up the board in the middle of the room and sit with my hands on the little board piece. "Okay," I say taking a deep breath. "YN?" I say her name slowly. </p><p>The little piece on the board starts to move without m touching it.</p><p>Yes</p><p>"Okay," I shake my arms and gingerly place my finger tips on the board piece. "Is it really you?"</p><p>The piece moves around on the board quicker than normal. Lucky for YN, I'm fast.</p><p>No, dumb ass. It's Santa Claus.</p><p>I look up expecting to see some spirit smirking at me. Nothing. "Just had to check." I say rubbing my face. "How are you here?" Even though YN isn't visible I can see her judgey little eyes one me. "You know what never mind, I asked. Um," I rack my brain for the right question. "Are you able to show yourself?" I grab a pen and paper off YNs dresser.</p><p>I watch as the piece moves around for a minute. Writing the letter down as it goes. I look down at the paper.</p><p>I tried earlier. It's too much for me. I've been trying to get your attention for weeks but nothing happens. Today I have been able to touch things and move them and make the lights flicker. What the fuck is wrong with Dean? Why did you leave him alone? Why did you let that ginger bitch help? Okay I gotta stop. I'm getting too tired.</p><p>I set the paper down. "I know. I shouldn't have left him alone. I'm sorry. But he slept real sleep. He didn't wake up crying or screaming. I'm sure you know all this. But Rowena was my last hope."</p><p>The lights in the room flicker off and on. YNs mad. I can tell. Not at Dean or me but Rowena. Rowena tried to kill YN a few years ago and YN has been wanting her head on a spike since then. </p><p>"Hey, calm down," I raise my hands up. "We can't have you just blowing things up." The lights stop flickering. "Thank you. And yes, Rowena should not have given Dean that tea recipe and spell. I've already talked to her about it." </p><p>The piece on the board moves again and I grab the pen and paper.</p><p>You should have burned this entire room when Dean was passed out. It would have taken care of the problem. He could have probably moved on without me just hanging around.</p><p>"I know, I should have," I whisper. "But I was just respecting his wishes. What are you tied to? Maybe that will help. I'm sure Dean has been able to sense you." </p><p>The piece moves slowly. </p><p>Locket.</p><p>"Where?" I ask but the piece doesn't move. The lights don't even flicker. She must be tired from trying hard to get our attention. "Alright, I can work with that." I shove the paper into my pocket and pack up the board. </p><p>I walk out of the room and bump into Dean. "What were you doing in there?" Dean voice is groggy. Then he eyes the ouija board in my hand. "You get anything from that?" </p><p>I look down at the board in my hand. I have a split second decision to tell him the truth or lie to him. "No," I find myself saying. "I thought I would try. You know. But I got nothing." </p><p>Dean nods his head and runs his hand through his hair. "Figures, She probably walked with arm and arm with her reaper. I mean why would she stay? Why would she run from her reaper when she could be at peace."</p><p>"I don't know, Dean," I say softly. "If she were hear it would probably be to see if you move on. She's stubborn like that. Remember?"</p><p>Dean smiles small. "That she was. It made sex with her awesome."</p><p>"Ugh, Dean," I start to walk away then turn around. Dean is staring at her room. "Rowena told me that she gave your the recipe and spell for the tea. Just be careful with it. She says if you drink too much of it, it will start to kill you."</p><p>Dean looks at me. </p><p>He doesn't acknowledge me. </p><p>He just stares at me with his green eyes that are full of sadness. </p><p>***</p><p>The next day, I wake up for my morning run. I'm walking down the hall when I hear movement going on in the kitchen. I creep up to the entryway and peek around. I Dean throwing things into a cup. Then I smell the tea he made. </p><p>"What do you think you're doing?" I round the corner. "This is three doses in under twenty-four hours. And how did  you get the recipe? I took it out of your room."</p><p>"Well you shouldn't have," Dean says as he in a firm voice. "and hiding it in a book? Really Sam? That trick is old." </p><p>I watch as my big brother opens the cut on his hand and squeezes a few drops into the tea. He takes the cup to the table and pulls out the spell and starts to speak. The lights start to flicker like crazy. I'm guessing YN is in here with us and can't get through. </p><p>"Dean, you need to stop," I raise my voice. "YN wouldn't want this. In fact, if YN were here, she'd probably kill you, bring you back, and kill you again."</p><p>Dean stops mid latin. "It's the only way I can sleep and dream of her without seeing her bloody body hanging over that chair, Sam." He looks at me and I see a small tear form in the corner of his eye. "I just want to see her and this is the only way I can, without my chest feeling like god fucking damn black hole."</p><p>The flickering stops. Dean notices, "We gotta check those lights out," He says as he takes a drink of the tea. Soon his face hits the table top. I decide to leave him there.</p><p>The moment I turn around, I stop dead in my tracks. There standing there looking like she's in pain is YN. Her skin is pale and there are dark circles under her eyes. It makes her look like she hasn't seen the sun in ages and that she doesn't sleep at all. </p><p>"YN?" </p><p>Her glossed over Y/E/C make contact with me and then she disappears just as fast. </p><p>I knew what I needed to do.</p><p>I pull out my phone and dial Rowena again.</p><p>"Yes, Samuel," she picks up on the first ring.</p><p>"I need you back here," I walk out of the kitchen. </p><p>"Is everything okay with Dean?" her voice perks up. Rowena has always had a soft spot for Dean.</p><p>"He drank more tea. That's three in less than twenty-four hours. Then we have YNs ghost around the bunker. She's pissed she hasn't been put to rest and has been watching Dean trying to stop him. But she can't because she can't break through the veil all the way." </p><p>Rowena is quiet for a bit. "Okay, I will be there later this afternoon. You owe me big time Samuel. Not just giving me a spell from that wee little spell book again."</p><p>"Okay. Fine."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Dean's POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean wakes up from being injected with adrenaline only to be brought into the Readers room where he finally gets to the Readers ghost.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You are incredible," I fall back onto the bed and gather YN into my arms as I pull the blanket over our naked bodies. "Whatever that move was, that was fucking awesome." YN rolls over so that her Y/E/C eyes are staring into mine. She smiles and takes a hand and holds the side of my face. I lean into it, "I miss you like crazy." I whispers.</p><p>Just like the first time, YN knew she was dead. "I know you do," She rubs her hand on my face. "At least you can see me in your sleep." YN lets my face go and she rests her head on my chest. YN let's out a deep and long sigh. "At least for now"</p><p>"What?" I pull away from YN and she is already sitting on her elbow. "What does that mean?"</p><p>YN gives me that looks where she tilts her head and raise both her eyebrows. "Don't play stupid Dean. We are in your head. Everything that happens is all in your head. So, yes, you will one day move on and no longer have dreams of me. Maybe a few times that will make you miss me but not as much as you miss me now." </p><p>I stare at her. How can she be saying these things. But then again she's right, we are in my head. As I look at her, I slowly see the forming of the stab marks from where she was stabbed. MY heart drops as a jump out of bed. The woulds form but no blood spills from them. The color of her skin starts to drain from her face. Her once pink and flush cheeks are now pale. There are dark circles under her eyes.</p><p>I squeeze my eyes shut.</p><p>When I open them, I see YN still. No longer pale. Her skin full over color. Looking alive.</p><p>Then something makes me clutch my chest. YN sits up with eyes wide. </p><p>"Dean?" She says in an alarming tone. </p><p>My heart is literally racing in my chest. I fall back on the wall and in a second, YN is by my side. I try to speak but the racing of my heart and weight I feel of my body is making it impossible. My vision starts to go in and out but the worst part is YN starts to fade away. I try to reach for her but for some reason she is just out of reach. </p><p>Everything around me grows dark.</p><p>***</p><p>Next thing I know, I'm opening my eyes and I find myself in my room. Sam is above me holding a syringe in his hands. I sit up to see Rowena in the doorway. I get myself into a seating position and look around. I don't have any memory of getting into my room. Sam must have dragged me or something. </p><p>"What's going on?" I ask looking at Sam. I eye the syringe in his hands. "What do you have that?" I point to the syringe. Then I feel the racing of my heart. "Did you inject pure adrenaline into me?"</p><p>"I had to wake you up," Sam says setting the syringe down. </p><p>"Why would you do that? You ruined my dream!" I get out of bed and stand toe to toe with him. "I told you before that this was the only way I could sleep and feel at peace without feeling like there's a hole in my chest." </p><p>"Dean," Rowena's voice is soft. "You had three glasses of tea. It hasn't been twenty-four hours yet. The ingredient are all still in your body. I told you too much will kill you. This concoction," I was as she takes a step towards me. She looks to Sam and he nods his head. "It doesn't just put you too sleep, it shuts off your pain receptors while it shuts down your organs and eats away at whatever it can get to."</p><p>I stare between her and Sam. </p><p>"You've had three of those teas and they each have been triggered by that spell three times." Sam shifts his feet around. "There is also another thing. Follow me."</p><p>I follow Sam and Rowena out of my room and down the hall. I realize we are going to YNs room. I stop dead in my tracks. "No," I say turning around. "If you think burning her things is going to change anything, you are dead wrong." I turn around and go to the kitchen. </p><p>I grab a beer and pop it open and down it all in one sitting. I go and grab another beed and drink that one in one sitting as well. I listen to the muffled voices of Sam and Rowena. They seem to be arguing. </p><p>I don't have time to argue.</p><p>I head on back to my room and grab the impala keys off the dresser and make my way to the garage. I needed to get out of here. I can't be here in the bunker anymore. I need to clear my head.</p><p>"Where do you think you're going?" Sam calls after me.</p><p>"A drink," I say back to him. "Maybe, I don't know. I'll decide as I drive."</p><p>"Look," Sam is suddenly next to me. Perks of him being as tall as a tree. "We weren't going to burn YNs things. We needed to show you something that's in her room."</p><p>I stop and look back at the door I am about to head out of. "Okay just make it quick."</p><p>I follow Sam all the way to the room and with each step I can feel my chest tightening up. I know I'm able to walk into that room if I want to but, being told I need to, it's just a bit too much. I work to push away the feeling of dread when I stop dead in YNs doorway. Rowena is sitting on YNs bed flipping through a old giant book while Sam stands in the middle of the room.</p><p>"What's this thing you want to show me?" I ask forcing myself to take a step into the room. I look around and feel my heart sink again. Being in here is too much but it's also the only place where I feel close to her. </p><p>"Hello, Dean." </p><p>The all too familiar voice makes my heart stop. I thought I would never get to hear that voice again. I spin around there in the doorway looking like hell is the most beautiful woman ever. </p><p>"YN?" My voice is just above a whisper. </p><p>She smiles lightly and looks down. "Yeah," she looks back at me. </p><p>"How?" I look back at Sam and Rowena. </p><p>"I think you know how, Dean," YN says suddenly in front of me. Then, without thinking, I am wrapping my arms around her. </p><p>"How could you run from your reaper?" I pull back and look into her eyes. Even in death, her eyes seemed to hold a glimmer of sparkles but not too much sparkles. Even the dark circles made her still look amazing.</p><p>"That's the thing," YN walks around the room. "I never had a reaper. I died and was able to see my body slumped over in that chair. But I was snapped back to the here before you found me. It's taken me forever to finally get through so I could beat the shit out of you for doing what your doing. So here's what's going to happen," YN stops next to Sam who is standing next to the dresser. </p><p>"Wait, wait," I wave my hands around. "You've been here the whole fucking time? It's no wonder I can't come in here without feeling like I've been hit by a semi and I know what that feels like."</p><p>YN cracks a small smile. "Like I said, It was hard for me to break through the veil. Now, can I say what I need to say?" </p><p>I nod. "Yeah, of course, the floor is yours."</p><p>"Sam has the locket I am tied to," YN looks down at Sam's hand. In it I spy the golden locket. The locket that was given to her by the only family that cared for her. "If you take it and burn it right now, all this can be over. Rowena will take the tea recipe and spell and erase your mind about today and the tea. But, if your don't and take that tea again, Sam will burn the locket and you will never get that last good bye."</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Deans POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean let's go of Ghost!Reader</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I feel like my heart dropped a six feet. I begin to breath deeply and heavily to the point I walk to the nearest wall for support. I close my eyes and play those words over again in my mind as I slump to the ground. I open my eyes to see Y/N on her knees in front of me. Even though her face is hard, the look in her ghost like eyes are filled with sadness and pain. </p><p>"Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me choose?" I whisper.</p><p>"It's not about you, baby," she whispers back. She reaches for my face and I feel the cool touch of her finger tips. "This is about keeping you alive and letting me go." </p><p>I lean into her hand and just stare at her. A stray tear falls from the corner of my eye. I know she's right. "I can't," I barely get the words out of my mouth. "I'm not ready to. Y/N," I reach for the strand of hair that always liked to fall out of place and move it behind her ear. I watch her close her eyes. "You are my great love story and the one person on this planet to get me to think about leaving this life behind. Now that you're gone, I don't know if I can let you go."</p><p>Y/N purses her lips into a tight line. Something she did when she knew that I was being an idiot. She looks back at Sam and nods her head. I watch as Sam picks up the tin trash can and dump the contents out on the floor and drop the locket in it. </p><p>"Sam," I get up but Y/Ns strong ghost hands hold me back. "Sam, don't!"</p><p>Sam looks up at me and I see the pain in his eyes. He doesn't want to do this but I know that he doesn't have a choice. Y/Ns a spirit and the longer she stays the angrier and sadder she will be and the closer she will be to becoming a vengeful spirit. I watch as he pulls out a small match book. </p><p>"Y/N, baby," I grab Y/Ns face and make her look at me. "Don't do this. Please."</p><p>Y/N holds her hand up and Sam stops what he's doing. "Dean, I love you. That's why I have to do this. But you can take Sam's place by lighting it."</p><p>"Okay," I quickly say. "I just want one last awesome, epic good-bye. That's all I want."</p><p>Y/N gives a small smile. "I think we can do that."</p><p>And thats what we did. Y/N and I walk around the bunker since she couldn't even step outside. According to her, she's tried to but her locket won't let her up the stairs or into the garage. So we sit in the kitchen alone. Talking. She talks about her favorite memories. I talk about how much I miss her. I even talk about the dreams I had these last twenty four hours.</p><p>I watch as Y/Ns smiles slowly fades. "You are going to have to learn to move on from me." She tells me. "In fact," she gets up and walks over to me. She places her hand on my face and I take in the whole touch by leaning into it. "That's what I want from you, Dean. I want you to move on."</p><p>"Okay," I cover her hand in mine. </p><p>"I'm serious, Dean," her voice is firm. "Because wherever I am going after this, if I remotely find out that you are back to being in the dumps, I will find a way to kick you in the ass."</p><p>"I'm sure you will," I say licking my lips. I stand up and place her hand over my beating heart. "I won't forget you Y/N Y/L/N. You are my epic love story."</p><p>She smiles. "You'll find another." </p><p>We head back to the room where Sam and Rowena still sit waiting. Sam straightens up when he sees us walking in. Rowena keeps her nose in the that giant spell book. "Are we ready?" Sam asks.</p><p>"We are," Y/N says. She turns to me and smiles. "You got this. I'll be fine wherever I go."</p><p>I give a small smile. I am in no way ready to let her go, but she's right. The longer she stays, the more likely she will turn into a vengeful spirit. I have to let her go. I nod and walk up to Sam. I take the matches from him and pick up the little metal bin off the ground. </p><p>"You don't have to do that, I can," Sam says softly.</p><p>"I have to," I choke out. Crap, the tears are coming. "It's the only way for me to let her go. If I don't, I take the locket and bolt."</p><p>"What's stopping you from doing that right now?" Sams questions catches me off guard. I could grab the locket and run. Y/N shuffles her feet.</p><p>"You're long legged ass, the witch on the bed who can stop me with a simple spell, and the ghost in the doorway. Plus, like I said before, I have to do this." </p><p>I set the metal bin between Y/N and I. She gives me a smile and nods her head. Sam hands me the bottle of lighter fluid. Taking it, I slowly squirt enough lighter fluid to melt the locket once it's set ablaze. I rip a match out of the matchbook and light it on fire. I watch the flame for a second and look at Y/N.</p><p>"I love you, always," I say as I drop the small fire into the bin.</p><p>As the fire starts in the bin, I watch Y/N smile and close her eyes. Her body glows and then burst into flames. Just as fast as it had happened, she's gone. Her presence is gone. I still feel like there is gaping hole in my chest, but I feel like I will be able to push it back and make something of it. I need to have that tea and sleep and drink, it's gone as well. </p><p>Wiping a tear away, I turn to my brother, "I'm going to get some fresh air outside."</p><p>"Okay, don't wonder too far," Sam says.</p><p>I walk slowly through the bunker and replay all the greatest memories I had with Y/N. "It's going to be hard to find someone to top that, baby." I say walking up the stairs. I place my hand on the door and before I open it, I turn around and take a good look around. </p><p>Then I step outside.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Dean's POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean wakes up</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I open my eyes and grab my head.  It's throbbing like I had too much to drink the night before. I don't have any memory of going to a bar. The last thing I remember, is walking out of the bunker after setting that locket on fire and letting go of Y/N. I just wanted to be alone.</p><p>I roll over in the bed and realize that one, this isn't my bed and that it's super uncomfortable and two there are two dark figures sitting off to the side. I can't see them well because my vision is fuzzy. I rub my eyes and let them focus.</p><p>That's when I see it. Or her. I must be in some sort of nightmare or some version of my own personal hell. I quickly get up and feel my head roll around and making me dizzy. I feel her gentle hands gently push me back down.</p><p>"Hey, now," her voice is soft. "Take it easy. You took that spell pretty hard."</p><p>"What?" I'm so confused. "What spell? I just burned your locket to let you go. What's going on?"</p><p>I sit up and see Sam sitting off to the side. Two coffee next to him. We are in the same hotel that Y/N was supposedly killed in. I notice that Y/N has a few cuts and bruises on her arms and face. </p><p>"What are you talking about, Dean?" Y/N asks. There's worry in her voice. She turns to Sam. "Do you think he could be suffering some side effects from the spell Rowena hit him with?"</p><p>"I don't know," Sam says shaking his head.</p><p>"Oh well, you're no help then." I hear the frustration in her voice. </p><p>"Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" I ask kicking my legs to the side of bed to sit up completely. "Because right now, I am convinced I am either dead or dreaming this whole thing because Y/N is dead and we just burned her freaking locket."</p><p>Sam and Y/N look directly at me and then at each other. "Dean," Sam says getting up. "You were hit with a spell. By Rowena. The spell makes you dream your worst nightmare."</p><p>I shake my head trying to understand what Sam is saying. The bed shifts under me and Y/N is there to give me advil and a glass of water. I take them and toss back the pain reliever and chug the water. </p><p>"You've been out for a few days," She says taking the glass back. </p><p>"So you're really alive?" I ask her staring into her beautiful eyes. "You weren't slaughtered by some demon?"</p><p>Y/N gives a small smirk. "No, not this time."</p><p>"How did I get hit with the spell?" I ask.</p><p>"Um," Sam walks to the motel door. "I'm going to get Dean some food."</p><p>Y/N looks down at the ground. "We solved the case or so we thought. You guys got a mysterious tip. You didn't want me to do but I insisted I come. More hands the better." She takes a deep breath. "We get to the warehouse and it's super dark and it gives off a huge bad vibe for all us. You didn't want any of us wondering away from each other. Good thing too, the warehouse was rigged to the bone with traps. Then we ran into that red headed psycho bitch of a witch."</p><p>I notice her hands have tightened up into a ball. I take her hand to help them relax. Then I notice the swelling in her knuckles. "Your hand."</p><p>"Yeah, I think it's broken, I beat the fuck out of Rowena."</p><p>I raise my eyebrows and my mouth hangs open. I knew Y/N and Rowena had bad blood. I guess getting hit with a spell gives Y/N the green light to wail on her least favorite person of all. "Please go on, and when you get to the part about kicking Rowena's ass, don't leave out anything."</p><p>Y/N chuckles. "Well, Rowena somehow cornered us in the warehouse. It was all a ploy to get me alone at the hotel but she found out that I came with you guys. She tried to put the curse on me but you shoved me aside and got hit with it instead. Rowena said that you going down would just please her because I would be suffering. She tried to get away and I cornered her and," Y/Ns voice trails off. I see in her eyes space out and darken. "I demanded her to fix it or I will kill her. She laughed at me and said that would be the only way to break the curse was to kill the witch who casted it. She put up a hell of a fight as you can see the proof on my body." Y/N licks her lips and shows off her arms and legs and the huge bruise on her side. </p><p>"She could have killed you, I'm sure she tried some spells on you too."</p><p>Y/N laughs loud. The sound brings a smile to my face. "She tried but after what Sam has taught me, I am able to counter it. Anyway," Y/N clears her throat and continues. "I finally get her weakened enough to pin her on a wall. About to stab her in the heart. Then Sam comes up and tells me that for her to stay dead, he had to do it. So in the end, Sam killed her. Her body was then burned. We brought your body back here and have been waiting for you to wake up since."</p><p>Rowena's dead. I never thought I would hear that. And I missed it. </p><p>"So your nightmare," Y/N rests her head on my shoulder. I close my eyes and rest my head on hers. I take in the smell of her shampoo. "It made you think I was dead?" </p><p>"Yeah," I say wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my arms. "Part of me thinks that this is a dream or something. Losing you was extremely hard on me. There was drinking and drugging myself just so that I could see you. Sam was out of his mind going crazy to fix it. Then you showed up as a ghost and told me I had to burn your locket or you would kick my ass."</p><p>Y/N laughs out loud. "Sounds like me." She pulls back and stares into my eyes. Those eyes that I always melt into. "This here is real." She places my hand over her chest and I feel her heart beat. Slow and steady. "And this," she moves it to her cheek. Her warm cheek that's so full of color. "And this," Y/N leans in and presses her lips gently to mine. They are soft and warm on mine. When she pulls away, I instantly miss the feeling of her lips. </p><p>Sam walks back in holding more coffee and a bag that looks like it holds a greasy hamburger. "The greasiest burger with extra onions and bacon in the city. And a coffee for all of us. Check out should be soon so let's eat up and hit the road."</p><p>"Sam," I stand up look my brother in the eyes. "I'm sorry you had to kill her. I knew you guys were somewhat close."</p><p>"I had no choice," Sam says softly. "It was the only way to get you back. Big Brother and Big Brother's girl, trumps witch."</p><p>Within the hour, we were all packed up and checked out. We loaded up the impala and just as I'm about get into the drivers seat, Y/N plucks the keys from my hands. "Hey," I say trying to get them back but, she pushes me.</p><p>"You are still getting over that spell, I will drive."</p><p>Smiling I walk around the passenger side and get in. </p><p>With that we were on the road home. My girl, alive and well.</p>
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